Writing Therapy

I've been debating starting to blog again for quite a while.  But like many things in my life, I keep putting it off.  Now life circumstances have made it necessary.  I need the therapy.

There have been a lot of changes in our lives since I last posted several years ago.  I will write about them later, but this is the biggest and most devastating change.

Two weeks ago, on Sunday September 15, our dear son Brad passed away.  He had been diagnosed in the spring with stage four lung cancer.  We were reassured at the time that with the newer chemo treatments this did not have to be a death sentence.  We had hope.  The first round of treatments did seem to make him feel better.  He had gained some weight and had more energy.  Unfortunately when he had his pet scan, it was found that the chemo was not as effective as everyone had hoped.  

Another round of treatment was started with a stronger drug.  It did not work well.  He began to be overcome with secondary problems.  He lost his appetite and began the downhill slide.  We just didn't expect the end to come so soon.  Even when you know that something like this can not end well, you are never prepared when the time arrives.

I've heard so many people say that parents should not have to bury their children.  Unfortunately life doesn't always work out that way.  We are not the first nor will we be the last.  We just have to go on and find our way in this new and altered reality.  We can be thankful that he and Kami moved in with us several years ago and we had time to live closely with them and see them on a daily basis.

Kami has gone to live with her grandmother until she decides what direction her life will be taking.  She says she can't live here where she is reminded daily of her and Brad's life together.  We all must deal with grief in our own way.  We will miss having her with us, but we talk to each other daily on the phone.  She will always be welcome here if she decides to come back after taking time to heal.

So it feels like we have lost both our kids.  Zip and I are trying to keep busy and not dwell on the loss.  

Thanks for reading and allowing me to vent.